There is a you that can only be discovered in your single season.
Being single is not the easiest season to journey through. It is a season where God performs heavy surgery. It is a season of truths and vulnerability. It is the season where you must take the mask away.
It is in this season that you discover your truest self. That’s the wonderful part about God, He’s not afraid to dig through the pain, the anger, or the regrets to bring out who He designed you to be. This is the place where the layers of labels and opinions of others are removed and God can give you real revelation.
After being in a relationship for 10 years, you conform a lot to fit your partner. Their ideals, their wants, and desires can contend with your own for priority. How you perceive yourself and your own value gets shaped by how your partner looks at you. And when you are already broken, it’s often to your detriment, not your benefit.
I was in a relationship hungry for validation due to the recent absence of my father. My parents had divorced and I didn’t see him anymore. I was the eldest girl and he was my first love, my everything! And here I am in college brokenhearted and in uncharted territories. Love was my air and yet I had absolutely no understanding of what real love looked like… Or how to fend off predators of the weak. I was in a relationship that did not validate me. I would beg for compliments and attention and be told not to fish. I would witness the compliments and praise he would give to others. What was already low self-esteem plummeted. After having a child, I gained weight and again I took another hit emotionally and mentally. And the person who I looked to for comfort and support, did not give me what I needed. It was a cycle that was bringing me closer and closer to death of self. I had to make a change, I had to be free.
Though it has only been a year, I am so much more than I was before. My confidence is no longer in what I can do for others but in the person God told me I am. My happiness and value is no longer in what others say or in their support but in who God has told me I am. I am fearfully (with reverence) and wonderfully (in a way that inspires delight) made!! I am beautiful just the way I am- flaws and all! I have come to realize the strength and beauty of purity. Yes, no sex, no pornography, and no masturbation! And I am no longer broken because I allowed God to love me… All of me, broken, battered, and bruised. And being able to stand on a love that will never leave nor falter has made all the difference.
I am at a place where peace is paramount. Where I will no longer compromise my values and my beliefs for the sake of someone else’s happiness. Or to keep someone around. I am not ashamed of my story because I am victorious. I recognize that in my story I have something to give to the world. My idea of love is no longer one that glorifies the dysfunction that society says is cool. And I’m willing to wait for the Kingdom marriage that God has for me.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. – Psalm 139:14