Powerful * Blessed * Peaceful Forest
I’ve been reflective this past week on the last 9 years… Today is my son’s 10th birthday and I’m having heart palpitations lol. I can’t believe I only have 8 more before he’s grown!!!!
I think back to when I found out I was pregnant. I was drinking and partying alot. I was reckless. In a relationship but broken and didn’t know it. I knew my task was to finish college but I wasn’t really focused. I was masking pain with smiles and fun and didn’t have a vision for my life.
When the pregnancy test proved to be positive, everything changed. It was no longer about me. I had been given a second chance. The reality that God had decided to trust me with this little life weighed on me heavily. I was determined to do the best I could for him and to be responsible for the gift God gave me.
From that point on, I stopped drinking, ate better, got focused on finishing school, and prepared to have a family. Making sure he has everything he needs and every opportunity to success and experience new things drives me. I can not lose! I will not fail! He means too much and is worth more than anything I have. I can not imagine where I would be without Rin. What my life would look like, how long it would have taken me to “get it together”. I can’t imagine what other wake up calls would have been necessary. The kind of woman I would be today. The pain I would still be carrying.
Even now, I still recognize my life is not my own. I have a bright child watching me! And I owe it to him to live my best life! To show him that although we aren’t perfect, we must always strive to be better. When we fail, we can always go to God for help to turn our lives around. It’s my sincerest hope that although I feel like I fail as a mom sometimes, that I am setting him up for his best life. I pray that my motherhood is pleasing in God’s sight.
To my Sonshine, Happy Perfect 10!!!!!